Haven't really been able to pen down what I have been trying to express in words whenever I enter this typing zone. Can't seem to figure out what to write, or more precisely, where to begin writing. Too many things have been going on. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I don't get why my dad is always being so money-minded. Why in the world would a guy place money before everything else, even his own family. Dad sold the family car (for money, obviously) and to be honest, I felt sad when my mum broke the news to us.

And then there is the issue of me going out. I just went to Onsight to train today, w/o my parents knowing. Why? Simply because they are too controlling over what I do already. Especially my dad. I can't even participate in runs and stuff, much less train, because all he wants from me is results and nothing else. 'I only want you to not get bottom 10% again. I don't expect you to get good results. Because I know you cannot.' Wow. How encouraging.

I don't know what I am doing with my life right now. Holiday has passed by (1 week), and I haven't really made full use of the spare time I am given.
I want my dad to just stop complaining about stuff like a coward and man up.

My pocket money now is being cut down, little by little. EZ link money ($% per top-up), Onsight ($7.20/$9 per session) totally eats up my weekly allowance. And my parents aren't helping. $8 for the day + $4 (if eating dinner outside). How is $4 sufficient for dinner for a guy like me?! Seriously.

I want my parents to see my boulder. To see me when I am happiest. I want my parents to witness that. One day, I want them to see it with their own eyes.

I want to do coach proud. I want to do the team proud. I want to do myself proud. I want to prove to everyone out there that I am more than who they think I am. Boulderactive 2013 shall be my chance to do so. I know advancing to the finals won't be a possibility like, right now. But I know sooner or later I will be there, doing my first ever boulder finals. Someday. Aiming to just get 1 top & all bonuses for Boulderactive 2013.

Life feels so screwed I don't know how to react to things anymore. Even my post is so messy.