Retaining. Repeat J1. Retainee. Repeat student. Whatever you want to call it.

Sure, it isn't a pleasant thing at first. I mean, who would want to waste a year? Nobody in the right frame of mind would. It was a pretty big blow to me when I received my Promo results last year. Sat there in the Audi, and as I received each paper, my heart sank, deeper & faster than the Titanic did. And even Physics failed me too. I was expecting a pretty decent score, but I didn't even get an S grade.
So I sat there, and with my head on the Audi table, I cried. Literally. Tears just flowed like, I don't know, a running tap? Was pretty hurtful then. Can't really remember how the rest of the day went.

Came back to school the nest day (was pretty normal) and apparently everyone else were the ones who were worried. Many people came to ask me if I was okay and stuff like that.

Returning to school for self-study in January was surprisingly a good & fun experience! Sat in the canteen the whole day & I managed to witness many stuff that I wasn't able to last year! & I did join my class every now and then for lessons. Cool experience. Oh, & I ran for scheduled runs with Kia Yuen! Probably one of the best things that happened that month. Felt so healthy.

And then came Orientation. Truth be told, I wasn't really looking forward to it initially. Especially on day 1. Seated there, like some loser among the rest of the other J1s. (or at least that was what I felt at that point in time, a loser). I found it rather difficult to look past the fact that being a retainee isn't a bad thing. It's just J1 all over again. Looking back now, I realised what matters most was how I looked at myself.

Got our new CCA, new classes. Still kept in contact with them, thanks to WhatsApp & Facebook.
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Currently, it's been I think 3 months into J1. To be honest, this year seems to be a much more fulfilling one. I met many new friends, and joined an awesome CCA which I didn't even know existed last year. Funny how a year can make such a huge difference. But the same can't be said for my studies though. Tutorials are up to date, however I still fear the upcoming MYCT. Can't afford to screw things up. I can't. I don't have a second chance anymore.

Deep down, I am afraid. I am scared.