If you are a follower of my Twitter a/c, and you're reading this, then you'd have probably noticed that my recent tweets are getting more and more emotional. They are mostly talking about friendships and stuff.

I sound like an attention whore, especially with all the 'forgotten' and 'mistreated' tweets. Yes, I admit that I am one. I crave for attention from friends so badly, at times I just feel so inferior and think too much over the smallest of things.

I grew up in an environment where I feed on attention. I need it. I felt like I was deprived of attention. Was it due to family? I don't really know. But what I do know is that it definitely came from school. Secondary school. I was never the well-liked kid in class. Not the popular one, the handsome one, the funny guy, the most clever, or anything like that. I guess I just never did stand out from the rest since the beginning?
I wanted to be in the limelight so badly. I need recognition from friends. I felt like I didn't have any place that I belong to, any friends that I can really just count on (which was probably the reason why in secondary school, I had no cliques and stuff). I needed a sense of belonging, and friends that I can open up to. But nope, none of that happened to me. Got bullied in lower sec, and yeah that's probably what led to the debut of my attention-seeking self.

I came into JC, made some really close friends.
Amelia - my very first friend in AJ.
Lay Ping, Nigel, Shawn, Madeline - my clique.
02/12 - my old class.
Su Yi - the ever-encouraging and funny House Capt.
29th SC - for just being such an awesome bunch of people.
Kia Yuen - the one who is almost always there for me.
Jiayi - always not wanting me to feel like I am alone.
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Perlyn - being the awesome sister that she is.
Yenlink - always being such an optimistic and influential person.
02/13 - my new class.
Climbers - my awesome CCA mates.

& many others whom I really wanna thank, but can't remember right now.

And then there is this particular group of people, which I don't really know what to say. Had BBQ earlier on with you guys. Yes, I enjoyed myself, but I can't deny the fact that I felt left out. I don't know what to say. It's probably just me. I enjoyed myself, but I felt like I shouldn't have turned up for the BBQ. I really want to be a part of you guys. I get jealous when I see you guys being so bonded. I get jealous over the slightest and the smallest of things. Guess I'm nothing more than just some desperate kid who craves for attention very, very , very badly.
And I don't know if any of those who were at the BBQ are reading this.
Whatever, I really needed to make this blog post. Too much stuff bugging me recently.

I hate being so sensitive and emotional over such stuff. Come on, what is this man? Seriously? Can't believe I am actually tearing up right now. Why man, why is this happening?

2014 is gonna be one hell of a year. It's gonna be a tough, and very different year. My pillars of strength are gone (most of them are). And I'm not looking forward to it, at all. That is, if I even get promoted to J2.

So many things right now. I really just want them to go away. I need a break, a break from everything. And I need answers.

And attention.